Baby Three...

I Think...

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 11:36:00 +0000

I am going to take this blog underground for awhile... (before there is a possibility of me knowing anything, so don't think that's the reason) I just don't want to find out that I'm pregnant and then miscarry like last time and have to post it here. That was not fun. I'd rather just keep it between Tom and me for at least a little while, which is as it should be. I'll be back soon...

Subconscious Fun to Kill the Time...

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 11:30:00 +0000

So I had a weird dream last night. Believe what you will about dreams... but heres the deal, I tend not to dream, or at least remember my dreams, unless a) I am pregnant. b) they are significant. c) I am pregnant AND they are significant. So we'll see...

In the dream, I was at some gym where my mom was working out and she brought this girl Heidi over to me (a real person who we both know) and said, "Tell her, tell her!" Heidi told me she was pregnant with another boy (she has one already) and is due in March.

This leads me to believe one of three things.

1) our mutual acquaintance, Heidi, is pregnant and hasn't told anyone yet
2) Someone ELSE that both Heidi and I know is pregnant and hasn't told anyone yet
3) I'm pregnant and the dream was using Heidi to tell me... March isn't all that far fetched of a delivery date seeing as my due date would actually be April 11.
4) I ate too much sushi last night.

ETA: Interesting to NOTE... I just found out just after I published this, that my friend Janelle, who is, get this, a mutual friend of Heidi and me, is pregnant! With her FOURTH boy! LOL. I know, weird, right? You all think I'm nuts. Wait until I start divulging the crap I dream when I actually am pregnant. I wonder if Claire Huxtable will make another cameo?

Two Week Wait...

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 12:50:00 +0000

To fill the seemingly neverending two-week-wait, which really only just started today, I am reading... and thinking... and googling. While looking for some kind of I don't even know what on the interwebz this morning (advice? answers? a crystal ball?), I came across this site...

I think this woman has my house bugged because I SWEAR Tom and I have had this exact same conversation....
"You'd think that a person who had already decided to have two kids (without angst, without doubts) would have no trouble deciding whether to have a third -- but again, um, no. For all the reasons I mentioned above, the decision was much harder the third time around, and Kennard and I continued to waffle. We'd decide that we definitely, absolutely wanted another child, and then we'd be up all night with two kids barfing on us and think, there's no way we're signing up for this again. Only complete idiots would have three kids on purpose.

It's tiresome to have a life-altering decision niggling at you month after month. After awhile, Kennard and I started having conversations that went like this:

Me: "Are you sure we should have three kids?"

Kennard: "I'm not always sure we should have any kids."

Me: "What if we have a baby and it turns out to be a horrible mistake and ruins our lives and gives the entire family post-traumatic stress disorder?"

Kennard: "Yeah, could happen."

Me: "What if we don't have a baby and we regret it forever and we end up with a festering little hole in our hearts where our third child should have been?"

Kennard (sighing): "Yeah, could happen."

One reason for having three kids is so that you can stop talking about having three kids."
-------------------------
I thought her first essay, in the form of questions and answers was pretty amusing...
Copied and pasted below for your amusement and to save you a click...

------------
On Having Three Kids
By Jennifer Eyre White

Where I live, just north of Berkeley, hardly anyone has more than two kids. I suspect it's because so many families have two career-oriented parents, and kids are really bad for careers. Or maybe it's because it's so expensive to raise kids here. I dunno. Anyway, when Kennard and I decided to have a third child, we became something of an anomaly in our social circle. And after little Kirby was born six weeks ago, a lot of our friends started asking us, what's it like having three kids?

Here's what it's been like so far.

1. With three kids in the family, someone is always grumpy. Often, everyone is grumpy. When Kirby was five days old, we went on a family outing to Copeland's Sports Store (I'm having trouble remembering why we thought that was a good idea or what we wanted there). On the 15-minute drive home in the minivan, Kirby was screaming and Ben was whining, "I wan dat bike, I wan dat bike!" (we had made him get off dat bike and leave it at dat store). Riley was sulking in the back seat because we wouldn't buy her a sandwich at Togo's. Kennard looked at me and said, "Our family is starting to sound like the seven dwarves -- Screamy, Whiney, Sulky, Grouchy, and Sleepy." I'd like to think that I was Sleepy and he was Grouchy, but I can't be sure.

2. I hate it when people advise me to "sleep when the baby sleeps." What am I supposed to do with the other kids? Tie them up in the back yard?

3. Having three kids cuddled up to me on the couch feels like heaven.

4. There is always a little person in need of something. Food. A drink of water. A boob. A bath. A hug. A mouth, nose, or bottom wiped. A timeout. Electroshock therapy. Oh no, sorry, that's me.

5. La Leche League's book on "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" doesn't tell you how to nurse in combat situations. There is advice on keeping a toddler occupied while you nurse an infant, but that's not my problem. My problem is supervising two additional kids who often view nursing as an opportunity to try to maim each other. What I really needed a couple of days ago was something along the lines of: "If, while you are nursing your newborn, your toddler and school-aged child become engaged in a vicious fight over a pair of children's scissors, with your toddler attempting to stab his sister and the sister biting him on the arm hard enough to raise welts, do X-Y-Z."

What I did was to yell, "STOP THAT!" followed by, "STOP THAT GODDAMIT!" with no noticeable effect. I considered treating them like labrador retrievers and dumping a bucket of water on their heads. I considered ignoring them and letting it be a painful learning experience, one possibly including an educational trip to the emergency room. Finally, I lurched up from the couch, cradling Kirby in the crook of one arm so as not to dislodge him from my breast. I stomped over to Riley and Ben, pulled them apart with my free hand, and dragged the wailing Ben across the room to get him away from his sister. Problem solved, but I couldn't help wondering if there was a more elegant approach.

My tenacious little Kirby managed to hang on and maintain suction throughout the entire episode, though he must have felt like he was nursing on the high seas. His little head bobbed up and down, and he briefly opened one eye to look around, but he never let that nipple go. The bad news is that my nipple is now half an inch longer. The good news is that if this keeps up I'll soon be able to leave Kirby on the sofa with my nipple and it will stretch far enough for me to reach all the rooms in the house.

6. The third kid gets dragged around a lot. Our schedule looks like this: Take Ben to preschool. Take Riley to school. Pick Ben up. Pick Riley up. Take Riley to soccer or ice skating. Take Riley home. Do big families homeschool just to cut back on car trips?

7. Riley and Ben have become closer. Since I'm so tired and frequently nursing, I've begun recruiting Riley to help take care of Ben. She brushes his teeth in the morning and helps him get dressed. She holds his hand at the grocery store. One weekend she spent the night in his room, then got up with him at six the next morning. She poured him a bowl of Cheerios and turned on his Bob the Builder video and only woke me up an hour later when he began throwing things at her. She suddenly seems older and more competent. More confident. More useful.

8. Both of the kids -- and in fact all the kids we see -- adore Kirby. There's just something about a newborn that no-one can resist. Even a grouchy and sleepy third-time mom like me.

Just Putting This on Record...

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 23:58:00 +0000

Why do I have a feeling this is going to be a one-shot deal and I'm going to end up with an April baby?

(no reason to think so other than my gut... we're only on day 12) Hopefully, I'm just in that "just pulled the goalie" I could be pregnant at any moment paranoia... or maybe my gut is just giving me fair warning.

Mentally preparing myself...

Mixed Feelings, but We'll See!

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 15:07:00 +0000

We decided to let the cards fall where they may for it this month... at least more so than the last two months. I mostly hope it doesn't happen just yet, but I didn't want to find out down the line that this is going to take awhile and then look back and feel like I wasted a month's worth of an opportunity... especially since next month is a DEFINITE break.

So we'll see. If it's meant to be, it will be! If so though, I just hope Simon grows out of his current whiny phase in the next ten months! Of course, by then he'll be entering the terrible threes, so I really can't win with my timing anyway, even if we do get our June/July due date.

I just keep telling myself that three years apart has really been pretty perfect as far as spacing and that it will work out again and I won't lose my mind completely. I've also decided that if we don't hit the school cutoff, we'll take a break and then work on having them 3-1/2 - 4 years apart starting for a January 2011 due date, because I'll bet that's even easier on a a mommy than three years apart! ;)

Monthly Update...

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 12:50:00 +0000

No March due date for me. Didn't exactly try for it at any of the ideal times... and, truly not at all disappointed. Can't imagine trying to juggle Ben's 6th bday (the party, for which he is ALREADY planning) and being in labor. That would have been hrm, interesting and potentially damaging to my first born's psyche. LOL! Happy birthday, kid! Look! I know today's your big day and all, but here's another sibling who will want to take all your stuff and hog mommy and daddy's attention!

April is not out of the realm of possibility... just Tom and my brother have bdays that month. So it's not horribly crowded and busy like the other spring months. We'll have to see if the mood strikes. If that doesn't happen, the next month is a DEFINITELY a break as it is the dreaded potential May due date. Gah!!! No no no no no no!!!

So there's the update... see you next month!

Nah.

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 12:03:00 +0000

I'd say it's a no... I'm still a few days away from any solid proof other than a negative test (which I've gotten), but really, the chances were so ridiculously slim, I think it's pretty safe to call this one. I don't feel any of my typical symptoms... I can usually tell before any test anyway.

I don't think there will be any real trying until early fall... Tom says he was really on board with trying when the July due date comes around and honestly, I think that's probably best for all of us. Do I really want to be just pregnant when Ben is starting the school transition in August? Notsomuch. I think I'll need all of my energy to deal with that huge change in our lives!

I may put this blog on hiatus for awhile... not sure how often I'll post until we really start getting serious about it. I'm tired of reading my back and forth and no news posts and I'm sure you are too! LOL! I've toyed with the idea of just deleting it all and starting fresh with a real design and a real banner and all that fun stuff... I dunno, we'll see.

Ho to the Hum...

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Sun, 31 May 2009 18:59:00 +0000

Not much action 'round these parts. Haven't a clue how this month might turn out, honestly, but that's half the fun. ;) If I had to guess, I'd say it's a no, just because of the minimal effort at timing... but that won't stop me from peeing on a stick in a week!

Two Lines...

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Mon, 25 May 2009 16:14:00 +0000

(on the ovulation test, that is) LOL! It was nice to pee on something and see two lines again. I've missed that.

Anyway, so I suppose it's go time if we decide to "go" this month. Stay tuned for the two-week wait, which may or may not be really anticlimactic depending how much of an attempt we do or do not give this. At the very least we may take a little risk here and there, just to keep the result exciting. See? There I go with my misplaced motives again. Wanting to have excitement and pee on sticks at the end of the month is NOT a good reason to have another child... but it's fun. ;) And thanks to the Dollar Store, it's super cheap, too!

Chicken....

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Thu, 21 May 2009 19:36:00 +0000

I just do NOT have the guts to knowingly go for it this month. Sorry! LOL!

I've also been doing a lot of thinking and praying about this decision. I know some of you aren't into that, but prayer is something I depend on and definitely part of making decisions for me. Mostly I just want to make sure that my heart is in the right place... that the timing is right... that my motives are pure.

-I do NOT want having another child to be to the detriment of my two boys. I want to make sure I can manage what I have, and be patient and kind more often than not before bringing another child into the equation. Some days are so hard around here that I truly doubt my ability to divide my attention among three kids. Would a third just get lost in the shuffle? Will Ben get pushed aside because he is the independent, oldest child? Will Simon miss out by not being the baby of the family?

-I do NOT want to have another just so I get to use a favorite name... or so I get to do all the fun parts of pregnancy again. I love telling people the news, I love the first doctor's appointment, the ultrasounds, I love finding out what we're having, I love coming up with the name, I love taking belly pictures and blogging through labor. But all those things are NOT good reasons to have another child.

-I do NOT want to have another just to please other people. I'm a people pleaser anyway and we do get egged on a LOT by people to have a third. I sometimes wonder if I only want another child because I know it would make grandparents happy.

-I do NOT want to have another just to recreate my husband's family. I find myself drawn toward the idea of having three boys, three years apart, exactly like Tom's family. Not only do I think this is cool, I know it would thrill my MIL and she is in such a sad place in her life right now that it's hard not to want to give her good news. See above about me being a people pleaser. (sigh)

-I do NOT want to have another just to see if we get a girl. You all know where I stand on this... three boys, two boys and a girl, whatever God wants for us is fine with me. But part of the fun is finding out the sex and guessing beforehand. (see bullet #2)... I don't want to get sucked into that as my reason for getting pregnant again!

Gah. Some would say I think about things too much. But I figure it's probably a good thing that I'm overanalyzing this. This is a child I'm talking about bringing into this house, not new furniture. I want to do what's best for our family, my marriage, the two children I have and this potential addition to our family... if we never have more it's not like my life will be totally lacking in new babies. I'm certain there are more nieces and/or nephews in my future from one or both of my SILs... and there is always my brother although... yeah, let's just not go there right now. (shudder)

Anyway, we'll see... but that's what's on my mind lately.

Wingin' It....

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Mon, 18 May 2009 00:42:00 +0000

We decided to throw caution to the wind, at least for this month... and while this does not constitute "trying" in my mind, there will still be a possibility, however minute, at the end of the month. It's kind of exciting ... and scary... and insane.

I have faith that It'll happen when and if it's meant to.. I mean, honestly, I can come up with a slew of reasons why a February due date and the timing of the pregnancy wold NOT be ideal, but the fact is, there is no TOTALLY ideal time. and God knows better than I do when it's right. So heck with it... we'll see where the year takes us, I guess! Stay tuned!

Sleepless Nights...

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Thu, 14 May 2009 14:52:00 +0000

... are just behind acid reflux on the list of things that make me hesitant to get pregnant again. We had a long night with Ben last night with his cough. And relative to the up and down all night that a newborn requires, it was nothing... and still, I am SO tired today. It's one of those "maybe two kids is all I'm meant to have" kinda days... (yawn) Why would i willingly DO that to myself again? LOL!

The Possible Due Dates...

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Tue, 05 May 2009 19:33:00 +0000

Some of these amused me:

This coming month - Feb. 16th (could work! Quiet month... but am I ready to really go for it in two weeks? Yikes... not sure)
June - March 16th (my bday! LOL!)
July - April 12th (a day before my brother's bday... five days before Tom's)
August - May 9th (two days before Simon's bday, mother's day some years)
September - July 2 (two days before Aunt Sarah's bday, possible July 4th bday...)
October - July 29th (wow! A bonus opportunity to hit a July due date!
November - August 25th (four days after cousin Anastasia's bday... since i don't tend to go overdue, would more thank likely hit the school cut off!)

My hope is to hit the jackpot on one of those two July bdays. May would be a nightmare. March or April wouldn't be TOO too bad,but still insane. The August one would be okay (though a long LONG summer)... after that, who knows.

Inspiration...

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Tue, 05 May 2009 17:32:00 +0000

Watching an episode of A Baby Story where the mom is letting her six-year-old son in during the birth. I never really even thought about this, but I'm thinking I might want to see if I can do this with Ben! He'd probably think it was the coolest thing ever... and if a third birth went anything like Simon's birth, I wouldnt' have to worry about him being traumatized by any screaming in pain or anything....

Hrm....

I wonder how many people I can get away with having in the delivery room? At St. Joe's, they SAY you can only have two... but they were pretty lax last time. I had my MIL and probably could have had two or three more people if I had asked...

Ponder ponder ponder...

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Fri, 01 May 2009 20:15:00 +0000

So yeah, I let the January due date pass right on by... thinking about maybe throwing caution to the wind next month and rolling the dice for a February baby, after being kind of inspired by that little article I posted on my Facebook page today.

I kind of wanted to get in to see my gyn first though just to get things squared away... mostly to make sure she's on board again with doling out the progesterone pills when I get two lines. May or may not have made a difference last time, but I'm not taking any chances. Not due for my annual until August but maybe since my insurance doesn't pay for her anyway, it wouldn't matter if I went a few months early?

Ignore me. I'll probably be all "nah... not this month" again in a day or two. I'm so fickle.

Bawl...

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Fri, 01 May 2009 15:17:00 +0000

Lordy day... couldn't have said it better. This woman is living my life! (except for the fact that she was already pregnant with #3)
Cry, cry cry...

Why I Didn't Want a Girl

Eh.

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 18:27:00 +0000

So maybe I should use this blog as my place to talk about things I don't want to discuss on my other blog? (since it's obviously not being used to document any pregnancy at the moment)

Here's what's on my mind (or actually, heh.. NOT on my mind) currently -- S-e-x.

I'm apathetic about it best these days. It's gotten so bad that I'm thinking of bringing it up to my gyn at my annual appointment in August. I did bring it up last year (yeah, I've been pretty apathetic for awhile now) and she said "eh... two kids, It's your stage of life... so much more complicated for women than men... I've tried prescribing women testosterone patches and this and that and it's all hit or miss." But yeah, thinking of mentioning it again this year because seriously, we'll NEVER have a third child at this rate. LOL! I just don't care. Sleep ALWAYS trumps sex in my book and frankly, I'm ALWAYS tired. Plus I feel like I'm constantly distracted by all that needs to be done around here... and at the end of the day, frankly I just want time to myself.

My husband of course, is all in a tiz about it. Personally, I think our relationship is completely fine. I love him as much as I always have. I'm just tired all the time and sex is the last thing on my mind at the end of a long day of taking care of people. I just wish I actually could muster the energy ONCE in awhile so he wouldn't worry so much.

I don't think I'm depressed or anything either! I'm actually pretty happy with my life, except for this one element.

I know I'm not alone... right? Right?

Is this thing on?

2010....

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 20:19:00 +0000

Well, we're officially in 2010 due date territory now. I actually sorta counted out my cycle for the next several months and wrote the potential due dates down on each "day 1". (yes, it's well established that I am type-a and slightly nuts... to know me is to love me). Late January is the first up to bat, but I think I'll be letting it slide. Just not feelin' it yet. And honestly, not really thinking about feelin' it until maybe a June'ish due date comes around. Birthday season is in full swing around here lately and it is just SO insane. I'd hate to intentionally ADD to ths insanity with yet another birthday. We can't even find a good weekend to do Simon's birthday celebration with Tom's family because it's back to back bdays and Mother's Day!

At any rate though, the time is drawing nigh... maybe... ? Who knows...

I'm a little concerned about how Simon will react to another baby though. He FLIPS his lid when I pick up another child, even my niece. Seriously, goes CRAZY, screeching and flailing and tugging at my lug and trying to knock the offender out of my arms. Ben NEVER reacted that way... you watch, Simon will be the one I totally screw up by having another baby and voila, his middle child psychology will take over. This is the only thing that makes me SERIOUSLY reconsider having a third.

Whew.

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 13:24:00 +0000

Definitely not pregnant. And definitely not uh a broken typewriter, as they say in Grease. ;) Now back to your regularly scheduled hemming hawing.

Past the Point of Fashionably Late...

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 18:39:00 +0000

Three very reliable pregnancy tests, the most recent of which was this morning, say negative, which is as it should be because seriously....let's just say Tom would have really gotten jipped if I were pregnant this month. LOL!

But where oh where is Aunt Flo? I'm starting to get a little concerned, aside from the times I have been pregnant, this is the LATEST I think it has ever been. I was pretty sick this month and on tons of medication... maybe that has affected it? (shrug) Weird...

Pangs.

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 11:24:00 +0000

So yeah... I have to confess there was a small part of me that was disappointed the test was negative yesterday. (I'm STILL late and waiting, waiting waiting...what is THAT about?!)

Plenty of reasons NOT to be disappointed... it would screw up our last big Thanksgiving at the beach house (that is going to be sold after this year), the baby would have a late birthday, Simon would only be 2-1/2 and probably not potty trained or solidly in a big bed, I'd be VERY pregnant AND would have a newborn right in the beginning of Ben's first year in school, my friend has all my maternity shorts...

But talk about a gut check. Yeah. This is for real. I DO want another one and soon. We probably won't really TRY until mid-late summer, but after next month, I'm kind of of the mindset that whenever God's ready, so am I! (a temporary Duggar mindset... right back to good birth control methods after number three) ;)

Not This Month!

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 14:41:00 +0000

Thankfully! I had to go to Walgreens to pick up one of S's asthma prescriptions so I grabbed a 3-pack of tests while I was there. Negative! I actually would have been okay with it and excited and all, but I really would rather wait until a 2010 due date comes up! So yay!

I'm Late, I'm Late for a Very Important Date...

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 11:21:00 +0000

Cah-RAP crappity crap crap. My period is five days late. Of course I don't have any pregnancy tests on hand. I gave my last one to my friend Tracy who is now due in May. LOL. Truthfully? The odds are truly ridiculous and I really shouldn't even be thinking about this... but as each day late ticks off the calendar I can't help but wonder. I probably just ovulated a few days late... but I don't know because I really don't pay very close attention to that kind of stuff these days! :P

If I am? Then fine, that's that! But the due date? (and I'm almost afraid to check the SPECIFIC due date) Would be late December....

(bangs head on wall)

ETA: I take that back, it would be November 18th. Well, not TOO bad. Late birthday... but we'd deal.
Now back to the waiting. I'm sure I'll go over the dollar store later and stock up on pee sticks. May as well, anyway. I always seem to know SOMEONE who needs one, even if it's not me!

Semi-Regular Checkin...

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 21:17:00 +0000

Still here. Still not pregnant, nor trying to be. That is all! ;) I did come across my charting thermometer while cleaning out a drawer two days ago. Blech. I hope I don't have to resort to that again.

Awww....

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 15:03:00 +0000

My friend's dinner was last night. So fun. She is 13 weeks and not showing at all. Truly not fair. Of course, she thinks she's huge. :P

She did end up borrowing a bunch of my clothes. Mostly shorts and a couple polos and two shirts I never wore because I decided they weren't really me. She marked them all with my initial though on the tags, so I have no doubts they will all come back.

It's fun watching someone experience their first pregnancy... I can almost feel all that first-time excitement all over again vicariously. She has all the same questions, fears etc that I did. Already worried about labor and registering and whatnot. It's always fun to chat about that kind of thing. I refuse to try to scare people about labor and delivery... she was asking me about the details mine and I tried to focus on Simon's because it was such a different/better experience than with Ben's. You just never know what you'll end up with in that department.

She is making lists list lists, which just cracks me up. She already is working on her hospital packing list. Yeah, and you thought *I* was Type-A. She asked me to make her "must have" baby stuff lists, so I'm working on that and having fun. I started one for "general gear", "feeding", and "clothes". Any contributions, feel free to add them to my comments section, especially if you've pumped and/or breastfed, because I'm kinda clueless!

Anyway, it was fun. :) For the most part, way more fun to be the onlooker and not the pregnant one. ;)